Thursday, December 22, 2011

courage

My daughter has given me courage.

This past Saturday when the Children's Hospital nurse told me she needed to be seen right away I did not go into panic mode.  When the urgent care doctor told me she would need a chest x-ray my nerves did not shake. This has become our normal.  I have lost count how many times we have been asked if we had given Kate an Albuterol treatment.  I have lost the number of times we have gone to urgent care.  I know this has been Kate's fifth chest x-ray.  Five chest x-rays and she is not even four.  This is our life.  This is were I have gained my courage.


Four years ago I had a huge fear of hospitals, illnesses, and death.  I would freak out if someone was in the hospital or needed medical care beyond antibiotics.  In this area of my life I lacked courage on all levels.

This all changed with Kate.  Maybe becoming a mom gives you an extra dose of courage.  Maybe watching my brave daughter face so much in such a short time.  Maybe knowing I had to find courage so my daughter could be courageous.  Maybe because I often have no one else with me so I have to be the courageous one in the room. (I know the doctor does not want to be dealing with two crying people.)

Kate has faced chest x-rays, countless pulse-ox checks, tubes in her ears, throat cultures, allergy tests, shots, high fevers, breathing treatments, and daily doses of Flovent.  Each time she handles the situation with courage and strength.  And each time we face these situations I find myself calm, cool, and collected.  I watch the pulse-ox numbers knowing if they dip below 90 we have a problem.  I can rattle off her medical record with ease... saying yes to many of their questions and admitting I have lost count how many times she has had an ear infection, RSV, and  pneumonia. I know at certain urgent cares I have to be ready to fight and be persistent for my daughter's well-being.  I know I could not do these things without the courage my sweet girl has given me.


Although when I was pregnant with Kate I never expected to have to face so many things in her life, I am grateful for the courage and strength that has been found.  Four years ago I never thought I would ever find courage to face one of my greatest fears on an on-going basis.  Because of my daughter I have courage and because of that I am forever grateful.

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